Friday, June 22, 2012

Why I Am A Wholist

I have decided that trying to increase wholeness is a pursuit worth my life, my love and my soul. Here are five reasons why.
1. Wholeness goes beyond all sides.
Aren’t you sick of sides? By the time I’d come to wholeness as the central commitment of my life, I was sick to death of them. Wholeness is on the side of life and goodness. Period. I don’t care if it comes in the form of black, white, yellow, brown or red people. I don’t care if it comes in the form of American or world culture. I don’t care if it is animal or human, young or old, male or female, gay or straight, liberal or conservative.
When I die, I want life, not some cause, to say “We lost an advocate.” I’m out of the us vs. them game.
2. Living for wholeness is the true purpose of life.
This is what I was made for and all other things are a distraction from it. For this reason, wholism is my only path to self-realization and salvation.
3. Wholeness is something I can be proud to tell the children of the world I lived for.
The future may never know my name, but the people there will look back as we do at what people in the past lived for. A lot of what we live for will be a mark of shame on us. I’ve got enough shame in my life. To the extent that I manage to increase wholeness in the world, I’ll hold my head up high to future humankind.
4. Every time I increase wholeness, I become more whole.
These are one and the same thing. When a bit of kindness or creativity expressed in the world builds me up inside, not just emotionally but wholistically, this is a concrete reminder of my relation to and interconnection with all of creation. So much of what we commit to and believe in is separating and fear-inducing. Wholeness is the opposite. It is connecting and fear-reducing.
5. Living for wholeness makes life more meaningful.
Prison (like a little reflection of our larger culture) hollows people out by giving us small and unworthy things to live for: video day, a little illicit tobacco, a winning lineup on the sports ticket, the med line, and so on.
It eats up our minds and our lives by keeping us trapped in the waves of life, when living for wholeness gets me out of the waves and into the ocean. After almost three decades here my life is still rich with meaning — moreso even than when I was younger — and it’s this commitment to wholeness that makes it so.


  1. dear troy - we've been friends for many years and i always love and respect your thoughts - so full of deep feelings and intelligence - today i listened to your old audio tape and heard your voice for the first time - it was moving to hear your actual voice speaking and to be able to tie it in with your writing and your photo to round out my experience of you further - you have a lot to teach me and the world about courage - facing up to the crime you committed and atoning with the life and work you do now - you're a model of how to grow and open yourself to the world - i have the greatest respect for the way you have developed and the good you've done for me and many others - both through your work at the prison and your written thoughts that go out into the world - thank you for your wonderful example in the face of a hard life - you're an inspiration !
    your friend in new york city, ted

  2. Hi Troy,

    This is an inspiring entry to me, as I have gotten tired of the us vs. them mentality that seems to have permeated our culture as well. In fact, in an odd way I think I took a step in the direction of wholeness at the DMV on Saturday morning. Just before I had my license photo snapped, I had the opportunity to change my politcal affiliation--and I did, from one of the two name brand parties to "no affiliation." I did this, not so much because my political philosophy has changed all that much, but because I find the Republican/Democrat and conservative/liberal models to be two of the most tedious examples of "side taking" that I can think of. While I do want to stand my ground on issues I feel strongly about, I also do not want to contribute to counterproductivity that results from mindless allegiance to a "side."

    So, thanks for writing this.